象牙門之夢41 不是虛擬主題 Not a virtual subject – Baby come back 31/12/2012

絲絨之問 .象牙門之夢 41 On Justice .Dream of Gate of Ivory

 

lundi 31/12/2012  23:52

不是虛擬主題

Not a virtual subject – Baby come back, I can’t live without you

 

度過漫長的三個禮拜,這意外的一年將今天畫下句點。

我在接到Jobson一個禮拜以來連續多封信之後,尤其12/27那天詢問我對他寫他的音樂人生,閱讀之後有什麼想法…等問題後,我才終於有再次跟他寫信的欲望。是那一封信打動我,或者更確切地說,是那一封信和12/29提早在白天就換的新組曲(The Suite of 52nd week of 2012 & The Suite of 1st week of 2013 !),又慢慢把我拉回,讓我這意志不堅定的,在上一封信決絕不回頭的告別信之後,決定再回信給Jobson。

那首Baby come back…I can’t live without you的片段歌詞,讓我在捷運上幾度發呆,這是他給我的message嗎?可是,深夜前回到絲絨組曲,每一首都讓我落淚,心痛,字字句句刺進耳膜,然後我必須艱難地抹去歌詞的意義給我的一道道如刀割的挑動痕跡,要一再告訴自己︰不是的,那些都不是為我而唱,不是他為我挑選的組曲。午夜低泣,想要有人安慰、撫慰我的肩膀,他不會知道,這般相思之苦……

昨天聽了告別組曲幾遍又幾遍了,仍然聽到傷心處又有淚。然後決定回信給他,可是那封信未寫完,哭了又哭的眼睛和身心恍惚無神,在發信給他以前,我已不支體力,關上電腦。

醒來不知他新的一封信已等著我…。

今天終於還是把自己最真實的感情寫在信裡…

Jobson在信裡說,他很高興我願意花時間寫生活感受,說以後他會PO上絲絨網站,只要我不反對,而且還用括弧寫「我不會選那些談我的…我也知道那只是個文章的虛擬主題」。這段話,是整封信裡最耐人玩味的地方。是他自相矛盾的明證。如果虛擬——如果他相信如此——那他大可PO上無妨的。我已經決定告訴他一切,所以我在信裡明明白白地對他說我愛他,也很清楚回應他,我對他的愛,根本就不是為了寫出東西,他也絕不是虛擬的對象,不是他以為的「只是個文章的虛擬主題」,不是廉價、卑鄙利用人的假愛!

可是,這封直白的信,對他會不會是一顆炸彈?現在,換他想逃了?他沒有在跨年時祝我新年快樂,而我已在寄出信後註定要繼續受等待的煎熬了……

 

 

♫*♥*•ღ♫••**ღ¨♥*••♫•♥*ღ♫••¨*♥*♫*ღ•¨*♥*•ღ♫•♥*¨*♫

精選1

Baby come back (by the American rock band Player a single from their debut album released in 1977.) was selected by Jobson in his early VU Suite, named by Sumika in 2012 as the just title: “The Suite of Separate Ways – Forget Her” (《告別組曲—The Suite of Separate Ways – Forget Her》).

Notes:

While Sumika wrote the diary above at the last day of 2012, The Suite of Separate Ways – Forget Her, Baby come back” was broadcasted in the official website of The Velvet Underground Taipei VU Live House, during the week of December 29 2012 to January 5 2013.

The title of this heartbreaking sad musical suite was named by Sumika at the same period. It will be counted also by Sumika as the 23rd VU Suite of Jobson’s musical works and will have a new title named by Jobson in 2017: “70’ 80’ Pop Rock Suite –– Back To The Old Days”.

This suite would be mentioned in Jobson’s article “Sumika’s Suite”(〈Sumika的組曲〉 in Chinese), posted on December 9, 2014 to present Sumika’s musical suite –– Dedication to Jobson & The Velvet Underground Taipei –– This musical suite is a gift, by composing a 2 hours musical works of her own style, based on the sincere love for Jobson and for the JUSTICE, Sumika tried to express in it her deep concern and empathy with this sick world. To those who are in solitude and hopeless…

In Jobson’s long article posted in the column of “Essay of Velvet”(〈絲絨漫談〉單元是地下絲絨官網Jobson的專欄), he would narrate the beginning of their encounter. With the invitation of Sumika’s Suite broadcasting in VU Live House Taipei official website during the 10-13 December 2014, therefore, the story of Jobson and Sumika came to a new stage.

Being a guest in VU Live House website for the first time, Sumika is the first person and the only person invited by the owner of VU Jobson himself in the “Radio” of VU Live House Taipei. It’s probably the first and the last time in the history of VU Live House Taipei Restaurant as a “Guest broadcasting”. Unique One.

Please refers to Jobson’s article in the Essay of Velvet Column in the website of The VU Live House: Sumika’s Suite on December 9 2014.

情不知所以,一往情深

Baby Come Back是美國流行搖滾樂團Player在1977推出的單曲及同名處女專輯曲,被Jobson選入他早期編製的流行搖滾系列的絲絨組曲。Sumika為這支組曲取名為《告別組曲 The Suite of Separate Ways – Forget Her。Sumika依她聆聽絲絨組曲在地下絲絨官網首播先後順序而編號的Jobson第23支絲絨組曲。2017年Jobson重新命名為 “70’80’ Pop Rock Suite -Back To The Old Days”

這支《告別組曲》曾在Jobson所寫的一篇〈Sumika的組曲〉的文章裡提到。為了介紹翌日2014年12月10日起客座地下絲絨網站播放的Sumika組曲, Jobson特地專文貼於【絲絨漫談】專欄,談及他眼中的「奇女子」Sumika,以及他與Sumika相遇的故事,從關切誠品官司到對他所編搖滾組曲的賞析評論…。Jobson與Sumika師徒知音和關係也在此進入另一個境界。

Sumika的組曲是一份禮物,試圖透過音樂組曲,以真愛與正義為基調主題,注入對世界悲憫情懷和昇華的藝術習作。陪伴孤獨與無望的人們…。現今閱讀【絲絨漫談】專欄〈Sumika的組曲〉的文章時,可以聆聽到這支Sumika編製特別題獻給Jobson及地下絲絨的組曲(總長度2小時左右),就隨附在該篇文章前面。

六年前2012年這一天,同樣的歲末最後一日,Sumika寄出了一封信給Jobson之後,寫了上述這篇日記。六年後,曾說︰「慧極必傷,情深不壽」的金庸大俠2018年殞落了,海海人生,笑傲江湖的秘笈到底是「情不知所以,一往情深;恨不知所終,一笑而泯。」

六年後,殞落的殞落,唱歌的唱歌,組曲旋律、文章插科打諢,以一種不為人察覺的方式,悄悄箝入思念對象的名字…。其實,從此所寫的字字句句,都只不過是另一種形式的《懺悔錄》。死亡的時事夯話題,或即便是歌曲的詮釋之作也都可能只是一種迂迴託寓的手法

2018年12月,Jobson在【絲絨漫談】貼出一篇藉歌曲寓意的文章,標題是〈幸福與恐懼的總和〉,是有意或無心巧合,心照不宣精確無比的呼應,曾經狂妄撻伐之筆,如今轉變文風,含蓄迂迴而小心翼翼的隱喻筆法,正是經歷過官司之苦身受其害的人一大特徵吧。差異之間,內行人注意細節。所以,回響有時表示良知的覺醒。最起碼,知恥有良心的人,午夜夢迴時,一定會對過往種種傷害過人的言語行為,有起碼的不安。辯稱I’m not guilty「無罪」的人,往往恰如吳明益在〈我無罪——關於盧梭的《一個孤獨漫步者的遐想》〉的推薦序文精準指出的︰

「罪的本質在於罪的定義,人的一生要以自認的無罪作結,唯一的可能就是給『罪』下一個極寬鬆的定義,否則根本是做不到的事。」 

這不僅適用於傑洛克公司與誠品官司中滿天撒謊的被告集團,也適用於地下絲絨搖滾餐廳的主人Jobson和每一個人反身自省…。以別人的血淚為代價成就自己的幸福,成功者受到的掌聲簇擁背後,不總是那麼正義公平的…。法,是社會規範的最低標,良心才是衡量一個人之所以為人的一把尺…。

那些關乎謊言、欺瞞的情歌亦然,良心呼喚良心的吶喊,那也是搖滾樂存在的意義。聽得出歌聲裡弦外之音的,有幾人?沒有正義,世界只是荒涼。沒有正義,再高貴都只是衣冠禽獸。看不見這一切,是因為眼盲冷血。

Jobson曾表示過不屑的小紅莓樂團(The Cranberries)主唱桃樂絲(Dolores O’Riordan),在2018年初,一死解千愁了。正義,用盡全生命去捍衛。無止無盡的深淵。Sumika能領略至深桃樂絲歌聲裡深沉的生命苦痛和溫柔,那卻是Jobson永遠都無法領略萬分之一的吧…。

Baby Come Back回來吧,寶貝…。Baby Come Back! Who’s singing over there…

 

*Lyrics of Baby Come Back:

Spending all my nights, all my money going out on the town
Doing anything just to get you off of my mind
But when the morning comes, I’m right back where I started again
Trying to forget you is just a waste of time

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can’t live without you

All day long, wearing a mask of false bravado
Trying to keep up the smile that hides a tear
But as the sun goes down, I get that empty feeling again
How I wish to God that you were here

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can’t live without you

Now that I put it all together
Give me the chance to make you see
Have you used up all the love in your heart
Nothing left for me, ain’t there nothing left for me

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, listen, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can’t live without you

I was wrong, and I just can’t live without you…

 

象牙門之夢

 

♫*♥*•ღ♫••**ღ¨♥*••♫•♥*ღ♫••¨*♥*♫*ღ•¨*♥*•ღ♫•♥*¨*♫

 

 

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